After this moment i went off and for te next few days I started adding more and more points of light. This resulted in creating a curtain or immense never ending flat plane of connected lights. This was neat but not anything understandable for my concept of love. I wanted the points to be able to reference each other and be able to see each other. So I bent the flat pane in my head to where the most number of points were allowed to touch each other. This resulted in a sphere. At the time the best way I had to describe the picture in my head was a geodesic sphere.
 |
| geodesic sphere |
Since then I have discovered other polyhedrons that have more more fun names(and more visually stimulating) rhombicosidodecahedron for example.
 |
| rhombicosidodecahedron After this realization with Rebecca I was given the opportunity express what i wanted out of life by my two lovers at the time (Shoshannah and Rebecca). I took this a perfect opportunity to express my new found understanding of love. Resulting in a quite raw expression of this belief. I am posting it wil no corrections knowing full well that the emotions going through my head at the time may not have produced a final product. |
VERSION 1
Vision
I am a ball of light. I am surrounded by other balls of light. Each Ball of light can move through out the innumerable balls of light. Energy flows in all directions. All Balls of energy are improved by the affects of the Balls of energy that touches them. All Balls of light point toward the Center.
How to build:One ball of light is a point.(one dimensional l ---or three dimensional)
Two balls of light is a line.(two dimensional)
Three balls of light is a triangle (two dimensional)
Adding the fourth ball creates the first third dimensional possibility (three dimensional)
Continue adding a Ball of light untill all points are connected by the whole structure
This structure in order to be stable will form a sphere - much like a geodesic Sphere
Each point in the sphere has light pointing not only to each ball of light next to them but also a light pointing directly to the center of the sphere
what happens once all points are connected - ( at that point the next stage of existence occurs )
i accept this might be the same process that can be accomplished by one person and if so then the theory still stands just to each aspect of our lives all pointing in the same direction
To be a ball of lightI accept the things I can not change I manifest the courage to change the things I canI allow the wisdom to know the difference
I am always giving What is given by others is more than enough to sustain me
I take only what is given
I respond rather than react
I have sex with whomever I see pass through my filters
Those around me are always invited to do the things I do I focus on the things I do because they point toward the center of the sphere and those around me should do the same
When my limits have been reached I let others know and or I remove myself from the situation to gather my thoughts and return or not to the situation
I Assume the positive
I Look for the positive
Personal desire - but i think it applies across the sphereI have no need to orgasm. It distracts from the accomplishment of my desires
it is entriely possible that someone else has already worked on this and has solved it maybe that is the Toaists or the Buddist or some other religous focus if so then i would like to learn more about that culture/organization
I am a ball of light I can see my light shine on others the light that shines on others becomes apart of their lightThat light in turn shines on the people they know
I belong to everyone if I belong to one.
I see this as being not only a way to have a relationship with your loved ones but a way to look at life. The difficulty seems to come only when we do not know how to take the next step. i can only suggest that when you come to a step you are unsure of taking to refer to those that you trust and ask their opinion even after receiving your new found information you need to apply that information to the situation and apply your own decision . mistakes will be made and persistence will pay off.
there will be times of loneliness there will be time of uneasiness there will be times of separation
The goal is to become independent from ALL influences and physical desires. not to be driven by hunger of food warmth touch sights sounds smells. If we are not to be driven by physical desires then what should we be driven to do and by what
i love all who i meet in my life. I love what is given to me by those who choose to give it.
AFTER all of that I admit i may be wrong in how i present this. i know i have a vision and i dont know how to reach it. i am willing to work with anyone on how to reach this goal. it is quite possible that this FIRST needs to be worked on by an individual before a second person can learn its direction.
YOGA
BREATHING
MEDITATION
this all sounds so hokey and transcendental tarot type out there thinking . it is by far the most out there thought i have ever had and feel amazed to have found two people that are willing to listen to my thoughts. i know there is a LARGE part of me that has been craving the touch and caresses and sensual nature of the relationships i have been developing with you both Shoshannah and Rebecca theis past few days. I think if i am true to waht i am desiring this is actually stating that i am willing to remove the physical sexual nature of the relationships in order to determine if any of this is possibe.
I am confused on this VERY point .
SEX
I KNOW that the physical nature of personal relationships with people tends to desire more and more physical contact . i feel this contact is an attempt to feel less alone. I don't think it is possible to to feel less alone with another person. I think the feeling that we all feel when we are with another is their energy effecting our own. i think that when that energy goes away we feel as if something is missing that was once there. like grieving .we are no less alone than when they were there together.
Embracing the personal aloneness that one feels and becoming independent from needing the touch seems to be the key. TOUCH is my scariest of fears to confront. i will someday -i see it. i know i am strong enough but it scares me to be at a distance of others for fear i would not be able to communicate the mental touch to fill the desires of my physical void.
I think i have found myself with two amazingly driven people that attack issues with an amazing amount of analytical skill. i want to be able to provide what it is you need while not taking away from what i want.
i want to be near you both.
i do not need to be near you.
i love you both thank you for allowing time to begin work in this direction
Gregory
This was an superb moment - that has created a direction in my life towards reaching in the direction of what I desire. I see myself capable of loving all that stand before me. Time is the hardest of all to overcome. The more time you allow yourself around another individual the more chance there is to appreciate that persons traits for what they are. Over time seeing that the way they are is quite beautiful.
I have no answers. I do feel driven to build The Ball of Light for Burning Man 2012. I know it has/will introduce/ed new people and concepts to me and those that interact/contribute with/to the project. Part of me is in such a hurry to get this done and displayed to allow myself to crawl back into my head of world/universal exploration/understanding. Another part understands this is a personal challenge to work on a project that I truly believe in and work towards whatever result it produces knowing that the end is not the goal but the process is what will share the most.
The Ball of Light does not have to be the projected 100' tall structure to satisfy my goals. It was just a number picked out of a hat that was so large that it became my moon to shoot for.
Aim for the moon if you miss you will still be amongst the stars.
Always aim for the moon, even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.
Aim for the moon. If you miss, you may hit a star.
I am attempting to scale the structure to a universal sizing mechanism such as the golden ratio.
 |
| The Golden Ratio or how the universe grows itself. |
Originally I desired The Ball of Light to be a collaborative project. So far the project has been more project management and slow progress then my understanding of collaboration. ZomeTool in Denver has been the greatest forward momentum with the possibility of providing the support structures for the spherical polyhedron.
The most i am expecting from posting information on this blog is to :
- Get myself better at documenting my thoughts
- Record the process as best as I see it (remembering the process is the goal)
- Allow others to realize that I have no idea what I am doing and share that the more you focus on an idea the more likelihood it will happen - so chose that idea well but be ready to adapt.
I have quite a bit of this project in my head and hope to get more of it on to paper over the next year or so.
